How to Feel Better-Than-Sexy after Pregnancy
I struggle a little with the word “sexy,” especially the grocery-store, magazine-rack version of the word. You know the articles I’m talking about:
“364,092 Ways to Please Him”
“What to Do When Some of Your Body Parts Are Too Small and Others Are Too Big”
“Forget About Your Brain and Personality – It’s All about That Bass”
“How to Grow another Appendage That Will Drive Him Wild & Make All of Your Friends Jealous”
The word “sexy” makes me feel like I should lose a million pounds, experiment with various shades of grey, and turn my kids’ playroom into an adults-only playroom with red walls, strappy contraptions and mirrored ceilings.
The whole concept of “sexy” makes me wonder if who I am is enough, or if becoming enough is about being . . . sexier?
I have no interest in bringing sexy back. Reducing lovemaking to tricks and tips seems shallow and hardly worth shaving my legs.
I propose we trade in this lame, newsstand interpretation of sexy for something better . . . a better-than-sexy.
What does feeling better-than-sexy even look like? It has nothing to do with your lingerie or red-hot positions. For me, better-than-sexy is a sexuality moving beyond the physical to the spiritual and becomes about oneness, pleasure, vulnerability, passion, creativity, trust, beauty and a forever-kind-of-love . . . it’s two souls touching. You can become the sexiest woman alive and never experience this kind of intimacy.
How do we feel better-than-sexy after pregnancy?
1. Reject the grocery-store-magazine-rack version of sexy.
Endless are the articles pushing an incomplete message that sex is only physical. Granted, it is possible to spend a lifetime settling for the physical and performance side of sex. Lovemaking is more than just orgasm (though I’m a fan!); lovemaking is two people sharing space: body, soul, and mind. Sex isn’t just about doing; it’s also about being.
2. Make peace with your body.
Be kind to the woman you see in the mirror. Your soft tummy and stretch marks tell the story of the child you now hold. This story is beautiful. Cursing your body for failing to look like the digitally enhanced image in the magazine is settling for the newsstand version of sexy. No one looks like the woman in the magazine – not even the woman in the magazine!
3. Make self-care a priority.
I lost myself after the birth of my third daughter. I smelled like spit-up. I stopped listening to music; I wore clothes that made me look like a lumberjack (which was on point with my wildly unshaven legs). I just gave up.
Self-care isn’t about enduring a makeover, it’s about you taking care for yourself again. For me, it meant taking a long bath (and taming those dude-like legs, y’all!), replacing that spit-up smell with my favorite perfume, listening to one of my favorite playlists, flirting with my husband, and retiring my hideous nursing bras!
There is more to being female than sex appeal. Allow yourself to move past the limits of culture’s ideal and choose to feel better-than-sexy.
You are beautiful.
You are loved.
You are special.
You are better-than-sexy.
Tasha Levert, Ph.D., is a licensed professional counselor in New Orleans who provides face-to-face and online care. She is a conference speaker, worship leader and the author of Stories of Hope for the Sleep Deprived. Tasha and her husband Tim (Pastor with Students at the Vineyard Church of New Orleans) have three beautiful daughters and a lazy schnauzer named Gumbo. To find out more about Tasha or her practice go to
tashalevert.com or broomtreecounseling.com.