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By Carol Kuykendall
 Q: My husband doesn’t take much initiative with our kids. How can I encourage him to be more involved as a father?
A: As moms, we want the best for our children, and that includes having a good dad. But the first way moms can encourage their husbands to be the best dads they can be is to make sure we are not discouraging them from active parenting. It’s not on purpose, of course, but when we criticize our husbands for not parenting “right,” we undermine their roles and their instincts.
I thought of this the other night when my husband cut a cantaloupe in two – the wrong way. Everyone knows you cut a cantaloupe through the fat middle, like a lemon or lime, instead of the long way like a watermelon. Everyone, it seems, except my husband.
“That’s the wrong way,” I said.
He answered, “Why does it matter?”
I didn’t have an answer. After all, his way didn’t change how the cantaloupe tasted, which is what mattered. It just isn’t what I would have done.
I had so many similar responses to Lynn when it came to parenting. He fed our children food I didn’t; dressed them in ways I wouldn’t; and forgot things like bedtimes, which he shouldn’t. At least, that’s how I responded sometimes when he did things his way instead of my way. Looking back, I can see how my criticism of the things that didn’t really matter could have caused him to withdraw and take a less active role with his children.
I’ve learned a few things since then, and this is one of them: moms and dads are different. And when moms hold back from criticizing those differences that don’t matter, we encourage dads to be more involved.
And guess what? That’s what really matters!
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Carol Kuykendall is a popular speaker and author. She and her husband, Lynn, are proud grandparents and live in Colorado. |
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