Why I Beat My Kids at Games {Sometimes}
by Laura Parker

When we first moved overseas to Thailand, my family plunged headfirst into all things cultural. Life was far from normal. My little girl ate worms, my husband rode an ostrich, and we all took Thai language lessons from a private tutor. I remember one afternoon, hovering in the kitchen pretending to be working on dinner while eavesdropping on my children’s language lesson when suddenly our mild, soft-spoken Asian tutor made my son cry.

Her offense? She played by the rules, declared his older sister the winner of a matching game. And then, she only gave out candy to the victor — definitely not a tragedy worthy of the immediate wails from my 4-year-old, empty-handed son.

The longer I live in Asia, the more I realize that parents in the East and parents in the West are worlds apart. Because in Thailand, loss is a natural part of life — accepted and expected. The military regime one country over is driving out refugees in droves. The poor are sold into modern-day slavery. Education and housing and three meals a day are all things to work hard for and not things handed over. Loss and struggle are blaringly common threads in the fabric of these people’s lives.

So, if a Lisu child from a village plays a game with established rules and gets beaten fair and square, the immediate reaction is not wailing about the injustice of it all. Rather, he accepts the defeat and takes responsibility for it. Maybe he politely nods, and then he chooses to play the game again, with hopes that a win might be on the table next time.

Since children are in large part products of their environment, I’ve had to ask myself what kind of environment I’m creating for my kids in regards to the way they handle defeat. A small defeat crumples an inflated self-esteem. And perhaps it’s my job to toughen their skin more than it is to balloon them with the air of easy wins.

That day in the kitchen, embarrassed in front of a Thai tutor, I resolved to beat my children at board games (sometimes). Life will hand them loss and defeat and utter failure. Learning how to lose is the important lesson — tasting the defeat full-on and then taking responsibility for their part, smiling anyway and choosing to play again. 





Laura Parker, this issue’s “real mom,” is the mother of three children. She blogs from Chiang Mai, Thailand, at aLifeOverseas.com. She tweets from @LauraParkerBlog.