By Kimberly J. Garrow
For some reason when the nursing staff at the hospital loaded me up with diapers, my trusty squirt bottle, donut (not the chocolate kind) and newborn, they forgot the most essential item needed for my future endeavor: The Parenting Manual. Now six children and several years later, I have resorted to a backup plan of my own creation. A plan to ease those “never-a-dull-moment” mothering times: my very own Super-Mom cape.
But I’m here to warn you. If you are one of the many mothers who also have purchased a Super-Mom cape, you may have a faulty one like mine ... a terrible thing to have when you’re flying high above your “Mommy world” and suddenly crash to the ground.
I own the Super Deluxe 900 model of the Super-Mom cape, complete with extended multi-tasking capabilities (or was that over-extended multi-tasking capabilities?). In the beginning, my Super-Mom cape gave me such feelings of grandeur. I was almost faster than a spilled gallon of milk, more powerful than an ultra-plugged toilet; able to leap tall piles of laundry and dishes in a single bound.
I admit that it wasn’t easy averting mass destruction thanks to my arch nemesis: Super-cute-but-super-devious-First-Grade-Boy. I still have flashbacks to the day when I almost didn’t discover the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the microwave with 37 minutes remaining on the timer! And the things that genius can do with dental floss make me shudder.
Then one day, my Super-Mom cape began experiencing some serious malfunctions. Unbelievably, Super-Mom started to unravel! I frantically baked the cupcakes a child had forgotten to mention were needed; helped fill the kindergarten letter bag with items that began with X (even X-ray vision couldn’t help with this task!); taped a cleat back together before soccer practice; discovered the crock pot plug had mysteriously become unplugged and dinner remained uncooked. I strongly suspected the chaos surrounding me was laden with kryptonite!
Suddenly I found myself falling back to earth, a totally defeated heap on the newly mopped, but now apple-juice-covered floor! One of my children stood over my crumpled body, handed me a piece of paper: This notice is to inform you that there is a recall on your Super-Mom cape, Super Deluxe 900 model with extended multi-tasking capabilities. However, you can upgrade to the new and improved, Ultra Deluxe 1000 model for the low, low price of $29.99 (plus shipping and handling). Our company is pretty sure this cape can really help you do it all!
Kimberly J. Garrow is the mother of six children and the author of “A Mother’s Journey: Through Laughter and Tears,” kimgarrow.webs.com. She is a humorist, inspirational writer who lives in Archbold, Ohio.