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| Words
by Susan Besze Wallace
 Words. It’s never too early to start teaching and modeling that our words have a lasting impact.
“Mom, Mom!” my 7-year-old shouted, running toward some stylin’ men’s swim trunks in the store.
“Wouldn’t Dad think these are sexy?”
Sexy? Dad? WHAT?
Not exactly a bad word, and not totally out of context, but my stomach flipped at the “vocabularial” milestone we’d just reached. I ignored laughter from an aisle over and tried to react without hysteria.
Words. What power. They take us to new heights. They devastate us. They unite, and they separate. We live in a culture where sarcasm, debate, judgment and innuendo are the norm. It takes effort to show children that speaking in love is a much more productive alternative for our families — and our world. It’s never too early for parents to start teaching and modeling that our words have a lasting impact.
Set family standards. As with so many things, if a family establishes standards early on, they are less likely to be broken. We don’t like the word “hate.” Whether it’s broccoli or a scary storm, we try to help our kids pick a better adjective. When we ask “How was your day?” we make a funny buzzer sound if we hear the vanilla word “good.” We want to know more! They laugh and then dig deeper. “Get me milk” (or anything else) is often followed by mom or dad saying, “Are you asking or telling?” Manners come quite naturally from that distinction.
Then there are the words for body parts or the word “stupid” or the word repeated from the playground. Team up with your spouse to decide what’s appropriate, ideally, before it enters your house.
- Live by example. I heard a great children’s object lesson that asked kids to stuff toothpaste back into the tube. Can’t be done. Just like undoing spoken words. But we can model forgiveness. We all get angry, but the words we choose are just that, a choice. What do you say when a jar drops on your toe? When your favorite team loses? When someone passes by wearing something unseemly? Our words are echoed in their minds. Our tone of voice is imitated. I remind our sons, in a fit of unhappiness, to “use the voice God gave you” to help them regain control — and need reminding of that myself.
- Limit. Being the media gatekeeper for your family is a serious responsibility. Just because it’s on a kids’ channel doesn’t make it appropriate for your children. Reconsider watching or listening to talk shows while your kids are around. Debate has its place, but kids absorb tension, volume, sarcasm and anger.
- Narrate. Explain the nuances of words often enough and kids will learn to choose theirs more carefully. Hear a parent or child yelling at each other in a store? Point it out, quietly, not to judge other families, but to teach that words can feel like a gift or a big bop on the head. Kids can make people feel that way too.
- Try asking at dinner or bedtime: Who said or heard something nice today? If we want our kids to grow into teenagers slinging love instead of attitude, we must cheer them on.
Writer and author Susan Besze Wallace of Northern Virginia is mom to three boys who every day gift her with love and verbal surprises like “Are children wise?” and “What’s world domination?” She gives the tougher ones to Todd, her husband of 17 years. |
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