Relationships Change When You Become a Mom
By Rozalynn Goodwin
“Hey! Remember Me?!” 
Voice sound familiar? Who said that? Here are a few hints. He mesmerized you with his charm and wit. Nothing else mattered more than being with him. Years ago, you pledged your unfailing love to him before God and 600 of your closest friends and relatives. That is correct! The voice belongs to your husband.
Maybe this sentiment isn’t audible in your home. Maybe it is audible, but in a still voice that’s easy to ignore in the midst of toddler tantrums of whining and screaming. Whether they express it or not, many husbands feel neglected after becoming fathers.
Marriage was designed to last forever, and long after we raise our children, they become adults and start families of their own; our husbands will still be there. We mothers (first-time mothers especially) can become so enveloped with our children that we neglect our relationships with our husbands.
I messed up in this area a few months ago and hope you can learn from my mistake. My husband ran his first half-marathon after months of intense training. He was excited about accomplishing such a great feat and about my daughter and I being there to cheer him on. I was too, well sort of. I adjusted my schedule to be there, but had never been to such an event and didn’t know what to expect. I was a little leery because I had a false image of standing in freezing rain on the side of the road for over two hours. Focused on the wrong thing, I forgot to bring the camera. I know–how dare I forget the equipment to capture this great moment! As he’s about to get in line for the race, he kisses me and our daughter and asks, “Did you bring the camera?”
I was embarrassed to admit I didn’t even think about. Later that weekend, we were having lunch and discussing the race with friends and my husband said, “You know Rozalynn forgot the camera. I bet if it had anything to do with Gabrielle, the camera would have been there.”
Ouch! I was defenseless because the statement was so true. Although I’m still working on making a big deal of what’s a big deal to him and restoring my pre-motherhood desire to cook consistently, I have worked on three things to make my husband feel our marriage relationship matters most.
- Keeping our child out of our bed. This is really hard if your child is crying to be with you, but you have to make allowances for spice and spontaneity in the bedroom and that’s kind of hard with a person lying between the two of you.
- Warmly greeting my husband. I actually learned this from my two-year old. She runs to wait by the door when she hears her daddy’s truck pull into the garage and when he enters the house she leaps for joy announcing his arrival, “Daddy, Daddy!” She then waits by his legs for a big hug and kiss. One day, I overheard my husband tell her, “You make Daddy feel so special.” I took note and I try to make sure I drop everything to warmly acknowledge his presence.
- Setting and adhering to a bedtime for our child. It took me a long time to get this one, but without a bedtime, your children control when you go to bed and whether you have energy for that spice and spontaneity I mentioned earlier.
Rozalynn Goodwin is founder of The Motherhood Priority, a non-profit advocacy organization working to strengthen mother-friendly policies in the workplace. She is also a Family Ties Parents Panel Columnist for The State Newspaper. She resides in Columbia, SC with her husband Mike and two year-old daughter Gabrielle. For more information about The Motherhood Priority, visit www.themotherhoodpriority.com .
| 
