Facebook Knows Me
By Kim Zachman

When I passed the office, I noticed a message from Facebook on the computer. Maybe a friend has sent me a drink. Maybe I’ve been tagged in a photo. Oh, wait that’s a bad maybe. Maybe I can take another quiz. Did you know there are over 50,000 quizzes on Facebook? I love taking quizzes that tell me more about who I really am.

I had a few minutes to spare so I dropped the laundry basket in the hallway and scampered over to the screen. It was a message from Facebook telling me that Kathy took the quiz “Where should you be living?” and her answer was “Paris.” I wondered where I should live. I clicked a few dozen times, and it said I also should live in Paris because I am fun, creative, artsy and drawn to a beautiful city. That is so true!

Then I answered the quiz “Which famous or infamous woman in history are you?” The answer was Emily Bronte. According to the quiz, I am educated and intelligent although I have a dark and lonely side that I try to cover up with a happy face. That is so true!

I posted the quiz to my Facebook page. My friend Julie commented, “Dark and lonely is not what I think of when I think of you, more like bright and busy.”

I answered back, “That’s because I cover it up with a happy face, duh!”

Then I saw the Myers-Briggs Personality Type quiz. I had to take that one. It said that I am INTP which means, “I seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests me. I am skeptical, critical and always analytical.” That is so true.

Why was I so drawn to these quizzes? Why did I care what famous literary character I would be (Alice in Wonderland) or what my redneck name would be (Rhonda Sue)? I analyzed my feelings, as we INTPs are likely to do, and I decided that I craved the ego-boost that the quizzes gave me. I’m not just a mom caring for children, cooking meals and running errands, I’m intelligent, beautiful, analytical, artistic and adventuresome. Even my best friends can’t see past my day-to-day façade enough to realize my inner qualities, but the Facebook quizzes can.

I might sound a little crazy to you but I’m not. I took the Rorschach inkblot test and it said that I’m perfectly sane. Facebook knows me.

Kim Zachman is a features writer for Macon Magazine in Georgia. Her essays have appeared in national and regional parenting magazines.