Twins – Just the Same – and Oh, So Different!
by Beth K. Vogt

Some twins appear to be turned out of the same mold – and others are as different as day and night. But each twin God sculpts is fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139)

Once a twin, always a twin – that’s what I tell people. I’ve shared my birthday with my twin sister, Brenda, since birth. We’ve accumulated 100 years of combined experience – and we compete annually to see who will call each other first on our birthday. Looking back, Brenda wishes we had celebrated our twin-ness more when we were growing up.

Challenging, considering that Brenda and I are fraternal twins and don’t look anything alike. We have a difficult time convincing people we’re sisters, much less twins.

Growing up, I was a tow-headed blonde with fair skin and hazel eyes. Brenda inherited my father’s dark hair, eyes and complexion. My parents called us “Day” and “Night.”

For me, growing up as a twin wasn’t about our similarities, but about our differences. People on the outside looking in –teachers, other adults – compared us. Once we started school, the comparisons increased.

“Why can’t you be more like Brenda?”

“Why can’t you be more like Beth?”

The reality was, I was me – not my twin. And Brenda was herself – not me. I wish I could have grasped the truth I realize now: When God made the world, he said both day and night were good. He didn’t compare them – he made them both good and different.

Note: As I wrote this article, I connected with the following moms who are twins. Their insights on the blessings and challenges of being twins deepened my appreciation for my life as a twin – and for my sister, Brenda.

Identical — and Individual

Janet Schilling’s mom didn’t believe the doctors who said Janet, 32, and her twin sister, Jennifer, were fraternal. When she had them tested, it was determined the girls were mirror-image identical twins.

“My mom loved that no one could tell us apart. We hated it,” Janet said. “She dressed us exactly alike, occasionally throwing in different colors.”

When they were older, Janet and her sister thought: We are so different, how can people not see it?

“God knew who Jennifer and I were going to be. Our DNA is alike, but he has a different plan for each of us. The world sees us as the same. To God we are two individual people. He has made us unique in his image. God doesn’t compare us.”

Seeing Past the Paradox

Heather Markovic’s relationship with her twin, Jill, forms an unexpected picture.

“You can tell we’re sisters. Jill has curly hair like me.” Heather explains. “People realize I’m an identical twin. But when they realize Jill has Down syndrome, it turns everything a whole other way. People wonder, ‘How did that happen?’”

Born in 1979, Heather and Jill were the fifth known case in the world where one twin had Down syndrome. Jill, a Mosaic Down, has both normal and Down syndrome chromosomes.
Heather’s twin relationship is a paradox – more closely resembling a big sister-little sister relationship.

“We’re 30 years old, but Jill lives with my parents,” explained Heather, who’s married and has two children. “Her mental level is more of a 12- or 13-year-old.”

One of the greatest twin challenges Heather faced? “Hearing people make fun of Jill,” she said, “and them not realizing she has feelings.”

Heather and Jill didn’t attend the same school until high school. One day at lunch, Jill and her friends walked into the cafeteria. One of the girls sitting at Heather’s table said, “Here come the retarded people.”

“Do you know who one of the people is in that class?” Heather asked. “That girl right there is my identical twin. I don’t want to ever hear you say that again.”

Heather invited her classmate to go to a weekend Special Olympics track and field event, explaining, “I wanted her to open her eyes.”

Her friend saw children with special needs running and high-jumping and leaping hurdles – and a friendship was born that has lasted for 10 years.

“I’ve been blessed to have Jill. I’ve been given a great insight – I can teach my children there are different people in this world,” Heather said. “They may be blind or deaf or in wheelchairs or have a different skin color. Seeing my son and daughter interact with my sister and her friends is the most amazing thing in the world. They know people are different.”

It’s Not All About You

As a fraternal twin with her brother, Sean, Jody Henderson, 35, was included in the “No Girls Allowed” zone.

“I was friends with a lot of his friends,” Jody said. “I played on the boys’ soccer team during our late elementary school and early junior high school years. I had so many friends that were boys! I always shared things with Sean — and that’s OK,” she added. “It’s OK not to be the center of attention.”

Because of a speech problem, Jody went to therapy until she was 6 years old. Sean was the only one who could understand her.

“We had a type of twin talk,” Jody said. “My parents would ask him to interpret what I said.”

Sean, her “silent protector,” never said a lot, but was always there. When Jody and Sean were in first grade, their teacher drilled her on a word. Sean, who was shy, hadn’t said much during the first six weeks of school. Finally, he stood up and announced, “She has a speech problem!”

Built-in Buddies

“I liked being a twin growing up,” Jill Beringer, 30, said. “I always had a buddy – never had to do anything by myself. Jena was my best friend. We even enrolled in the same college classes and got an apartment together.”

She cautioned that twins can live in a fairy tale world, believing your twin is the only one you need. You don’t learn how to make friends.

“That can be hard when you become an adult. I had my first son when I was young and my husband traveled. That was a tough go-round. New mom. No friends. No clue.”

When her twin, Jena McKenzie, married Matt, she found herself surrounded by even more twins. Matt’s father and uncle also are twins.

Like her sister, Jena loved having a built-in playground buddy. “But in high school and college, we fought more because we wanted our own identities. We butted heads. Now motherhood has brought us closer together again. Before I had children, I was pretty independent. I had no concept of what it was like to be a mom.”

Growing up in a small town, she and Jill often heard, “There are the twins.”

“It’s important to know who you are as an individual, not just as a twin,” she said, adding that belief influences her as a mom today. “I want my son to thrive and enjoy what he does best.”

Individuals First

Now that she’s a mom, twin Emilee McGuire, 34, takes her cue from her parents.

“My mom always made sure she addressed my sister, Priscilla, and me as individuals. Our parents didn’t label us as ‘the smart one’ or ‘the athletic one,’” Emilee said. “We were Emilee and Priscilla first. As a mom, I try not to label or compare my children. I try to treat them as special and unique. God has made each one with special characteristics.” Her twin sister, Priscilla, agrees.

“Our parents had tremendous influence on us as twins — we can’t even remember who was homecoming queen!” she said. “No one in the family ever said, ‘This is Emilee, she gets straight As.’ They didn’t compare us.”

Both women say being twins taught them a lot about relationships. “No relationship comes with a guarantee,” Emilee said. “As a twin, you assume it will always be easy — and then you hit an impasse. There were times we had to work through things and keep working at the relationship.”

“I once read that twins can have a hard time with other close relationships because they are used to having a twin understanding,” Priscilla added. “Being a twin has shown me how to be close to someone — to enjoy that and not feel like I am losing myself in someone.”

Pictures above, from top:

• Beth K. Vogt (left) with her fraternal twin, Brenda. Beth is the Editor of Connections Magazine, published by MOPS International.
• Janet (right, with twin sister Jennifer) is Coordinator for the Life Community Church’s MOPS group in Jamestown, NC.
• Heather (left, with identical twin Jill) has served as a Discussion Group Leader and Hospitality Coordinator for the Cornerstone MOPS group in Shiloh, IL.
• Jody (center, with fraternal twin, Sean, and sister, Tracy) recently went back to work, but hopes to stay connected with her friends from her MOPS group at Emmanuel Lutheran Church in Dayton, OH.
• Jill (left, with son Maddix) and Jena (with son Joshua) are Co-Creative Activities Leaders with their MOPS group of Goodland affiliated with the First Baptist Church in Goodland, KS.
• Emilee (left) is Coordinator for the MOPS of Goodland affiliated with the First Baptist Church in Goodland, KS. And Priscilla leads the Central Christian MOPS group in Wichita, KS.