The Mommy Wars: A Single, Working Mom’s Perspective
by Stephanie Rich

Moms come in all shapes and sizes, but you can’t really judge a mom by her shape or size. Nor can you judge a mom by her marital status: married, divorced, widowed, never married or re-married with a blended family. And you can’t judge a mom because of her choices to go to work, stay at home or work at home. But that’s what the Mommy Wars are all about, isn’t it?

What would happen if we laid down our differences in shape, size, family make-up and career and focused on what we have in common? Our common denominator is being a mom. Only a mom knows her child’s cry, laugh, struggles, hurts, growing pains, potential and love.

I believe every mom is different and that the Mommy Wars need a time-out. We need to set aside our judgmental mindset and take the time to understand, accept and learn from others who are different than us. Here’s a snapshot of what my world looks like as a single, working mom.

When you become a single mom, whether it’s through divorce, being widowed or never being married, it’s not what you had planned. But motherhood is still a tremendous blessing. You can choose to look at life as a struggle or as a challenge and an opportunity for something wonderful. I chose the latter.

A few years after becoming a single mom, I had to go back to work. Not being with my son was about the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But my job was to provide for my family financially. I trusted God and have seen his blessings as he provided great teachers, loving family members and friends to be a part of his life.

Families come in different sizes, too. My family includes my son and me, plus my parents and sister, her husband and their girls. We’re committed to being there for one another and helping each other. But single motherhood can be lonely without a community of other families. Please don’t ever feel awkward about asking a single mom over for dinner – she needs the support and love.

Granted there are times when being single is hard. I can’t rely on my husband to fix the toilet, or kill a big, ugly spider or give me a hug after a long, hard day. But, I’m blessed with hugs from my son and our times of laughter. I’m also learning more about myself, knowing my passions, strengths, weaknesses and dreams and taking time to develop them.

I’ve learned many interesting things about the working world, too. Dressing up is not all it’s cracked up to be, but it’s fun to have two wardrobes. Getting adult time is good, but it can be draining to be in meetings all day. Climbing up the corporate ladder sometimes means less flexibility with schedules. Plus the stress and the vulnerability to layoffs can increase. And even though I’m working, I can’t turn off being a mom. I’m always available when my son needs me.

Balancing family, work and life is hard for me to do well. Sometimes one area demands more of my time than the others. For example, one day last spring, I had a full schedule of meetings at work and was under a lot of pressure to get a big project done. Two hours after I’d dropped my son off at school, the nurse called and told me he was sick to his stomach. Trying to determine whether he was really sick or not, I said, “Does he have a fever? Did he throw up?” After I spoke with him by phone though, I realized he really did need me; he was sick! In just five minutes, I had to realign my mindset and the day’s schedule and go pick him up from school.

Thank you for taking some time to learn about my life as a single, working mom and to think about what we have in common. After all, regardless of our shape, size, family make-up and careers, we’re all just moms!

Stephanie Rich thrives at working in marketing for non-profit ministries. When she’s not at the office, she keeps up with her son by hiking, swimming, biking, playing basketball, soccer and baseball. She enjoys time for herself by writing, reading and visiting with friends over coffee.