Things You Should Hide When Company Comes Over
by Linda Vujnov

• 101 recipes for a can of soup and a stick of butter
• Dog hair sculpture created by your children
• Parenting for Dummies and The Idiot's Guide to Parenting
• The pacifier your six-year-old still uses
• Sears Photo Studio 8 X 10 of yourself and your pet guinea pig from the early 90’s
• Pile of wet laundry that reeks of mildew from sitting for five days (maybe just run it through the washer again)
• The math homework you helped your sixth grader do that has a “D” clearly marked in red
• 14 cans of Spaghetti O’s marked “Dinner Monday, Dinner Tuesday, Dinner Wednesday ...”
• Residual goo in the microwave from a tomato soup explosion
• Stained throw rug you use to cover your stained carpeting (on second thought, maybe you should just leave it there)
• Dark circles under your eyes from falling asleep in your daughter’s toddler bed after she took over yours
• Treadmill that is currently a clothesline for your unmentionables
• Traffic violation you received for talking on phone while sipping hot coffee, applying blush and yelling at your kids
• The brown Christmas tree still sitting in your side yard
• Maternity shirt you still wear to the gym because it’s comfy
  The block of cheese in your refrigerator with holes where you dug out the mold
• The empty box of hair dye in the bathroom trashcan - that’s your secret
• Postcard from your dentist which states “We miss you! Five years is just too long.”

Linda lives in Orange County, CA with her four children, husband, and dog. Her humorous book for moms, Spilt Milk, is now available at www.Zondervan.com and www.Amazon.com. Please visit her website at www.lindavujnov.com.