Go Away!
Equipping Your Husband and Kids for Your Time Away
By Adam C. Jeske

My wife, Chrissy, amazes me. She’s always coming up with fun learning activities for Phoebe (4) and Zeke (2). But sometimes she needs time away from me and the kids. This is no small thing for me, since she’s so great with the kids, while I’m a bit inept. Chrissy has done a lot to make me more comfortable and capable with the kids while she is recharging elsewhere. I hardly panic anymore! You can do the same for your man. Here are some ideas for stepping in that direction: 

1. Start early. If you’re early in your parenting career, get your little one(s) and your husband accustomed to the idea of you being away. Go away, even if for 15 minutes to start, but go away. It only gets easier for him to care for them as the weeks pass. And it only gets harder to start later.
2. Make dad a favorite, too. Recognize that you do have a great advantage at first! There is a definite mom-baby connection that still amazes me as a man and father. If you’re breastfeeding or the only one who usually gives the bottle, this can increase the distance between dad and baby. Ease this by teaching your child to drink from a bottle (whether breast milk or formula), so they get used to it with you, then pass them off to daddy. 
3. Train them up and pass them on. Similarly, teach your little one(s) to enjoy certain things and have a routine. Then, share these likes and routines with your husband. We use certain phrases with a sing-song intonation to indicate different changes, like “Diaper time," “Gotta go to sleep” and “Get in the bathtub!” 
4. Baby steps. If you’re a bit farther down the parenting road, and haven’t begun this pattern of getting some time away, you may need to start slowly. Go away, even if for 15 minutes to start, but go away. Don’t expect to go from nothing to perfection, but start somewhere. Explain to your husband (and any older children) what you want and how you will help them. 
5. Stroke his ego. It’s been very helpful to me when my wife tells me what a great dad I am, how she admires me, that she’s thankful for me. I’d only once held a baby before my daughter. I’d never changed a diaper before my own kid’s. Such a transition can be really hard on a man, as no one has taught us anything about child care, role models often are lacking, and it can feel very uncomfortable and intimidating. Encourage him! 
6. Keep the intimacy alive. Kids change intimacy in marriage, so commit to keep working on it. Most men will be much more positive about anything you ask about if you are being your beautiful self and connecting with him. 
7. Quench the earning burning. If your husband works in a job where he can choose his own hours and thus determine his earnings, take the pressure off him to earn more. By explaining what’s important to you and spending less, he can feel free to leave the office a bit earlier or take a day off more often. 
8. All the details. If this is a new thing for your man, minimize his other responsibilities as much as possible. Leave the house clean, maybe even expect to clean when you return. Arrange for someone else to give him a breather if you’re gone for a long period.

Starting today, with these steps, you can get some time away, beat cabin fever and feel better. But it’s also good for him and the kids. Their relationships will be stronger and healthier for it. Go away!