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By Cindy Sumner
 Is the fine art of negotiation underdeveloped in our society? Moms with young children may take issue with this question, because a day with preschoolers often seems like nothing less than one long negotiation. “You can wear your new dressy shoes as long as you stay in the house.” “No cookie until after you’ve eaten some carrots.” “If I read one more story, will you go to bed?” Even if parents are not great negotiators, a child’s ability to haggle appears inborn!
Why are we so prone to argue over who should pick up the toys, and so hesitant about dickering over the price of items we purchase? For many of us as women, societal pressures present a stumbling block. You may feel that it is rude, or in bad taste, to haggle over cost. There’s also the fear that you may be seen as difficult, pushy, or unfeminine if you pursue a better deal. Retailers know this and use it to their advantage. A recent study showed that women routinely pay more on new car purchases than men, partly because of their reluctance to dicker.
This practice stands in sharp contrast to many other countries where negotiating is an accepted step in any transaction. In fact, not haggling can be considered an offense. Vendors here may not be accustomed to a buyer who wants to negotiate, but that doesn’t mean they won’t play “Let’s Make a Deal.”
How should you go about getting the best deal you can? Start with the negotiating skills that work well with your family—for example, might doesn’t make right. Gaining your preschooler’s cooperation through threats and intimidation is often not as successful as preparing ahead of time for the wait at the checkout counter in the grocery store with a distraction or the promise of a reward. Similarly, salespeople respond more positively to thoughtful, well-informed questions than a forceful overbearing attitude. Whether you’re shopping for a “big bed” for your toddler, or refinancing the mortgage on your home, these five tips can help you get the best deal.
Research is a bargain-hunter’s best friend. It’s hard to negotiate well when you feel the other side has more information. Thoroughly researching a purchase helps your confidence when you haggle.
Always ask a store to meet or beat a better price elsewhere. Here’s where advance preparation helps. Don’t be shy about bringing in an ad you’ve seen showing similar merchandise at a lower cost.
Have alternatives in mind before you dicker. The more options you have, the better your negotiating position.
Emphasize the win-win. Try to phrase your comments so the other person feels they are getting what they want out of the transaction too.
If you don’t ask, you certainly won’t get it. Ask how much a vendor will discount new furniture for the baby’s room if you buy the whole set in her store. Will she reduce the price if the store offers free delivery, but you come pick up the merchandise yourself?
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 Cindy Sumner is an author and a former contributing editor for MOMSense magazine. Her book, Dollars & Sense, is a practical, easy-to-understand guide that will help moms discuss and handle finances more effectively. She has written several other books including – Planes, Trains, and Automobiles… for Kids; Time Out for Mom… Aaahh Moments; Mommy’s Locked in the Bathroom: Surviving Your Child’s Early Years with Your Sanity and Salvation Intact; Family Vacations Made Simple; and Mommy’s Trapped in the Minivan: Surviving Your Child’s Middle Years with Your Sanity and Salvation Intact. Cindy lives in Sheldon, Illinois, with her husband John and their three children.
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