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| | Making and Keeping Friends |
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 Q: This might sound strange, but I’ve never had the kind of friends that people talk about in books or Hallmark cards. I had friends as a child, but as an adult with two children to care for, making and keeping friends has become increasingly difficult. Have any advice?
A: When it comes to the topic of friends, almost everyone has some longings. But not having enough friends or not having a “best” friend is only one more thing to feel guilty about as moms. Here’s the reality: in the season of raising young children, we need friends, but finding time to make and maintain those friends is often difficult.
As I put that season of my own life into perspective, this is what I’ve learned about friendships.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Different personalities have different needs for friends. Some people need lots of friends. Others don’t. Be okay with who you are and your unique desire for friends.
Find friends on common ground. Through the years, I have found most of my friends on the common ground of our season in life or interest. College. Work. Preschool carpools. Church. Soccer team. Exercise class. Some have remained friends. Others have drifted away as the common ground disappeared. We’re always glad to see each other when we cross carts in the grocery store aisles, but we don’t get together regularly.
Enjoy “friends for a season.” We can hardly maintain all the friends we pick up in different seasons and different places. Some are great friends for a season. But when the common ground disappears – when preschool is over or we change jobs or the kids outgrow the soccer team, we lose touch. The good part is how this leaves more spaces for new friends in new seasons.
Hold on lightly, not too tightly. We often have “Hallmark card” expectations of friendships. We hope they’ll immediately become our “best friend,” always understand us and magically meet all our needs, even the unspoken ones. They’ll put us above all others. The truth is, no human relationship can perfectly meet all our needs. Our friends will disappoint us. They’ll sometimes put others before us. So hold on lightly. Don’t smother a friendship with unrealistic expectations.
Try MOPS! One of the blessings of MOPS is that it gives moms a place of common ground to find friends who understand their feelings during this season of life. So here’s the best advice: Try MOPS!
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Carol Kuykendall is a popular speaker and author. She and her husband, Lynn, are proud grandparents and live in Colorado. |
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