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My Hospital Confession

by Rachel

reality

May 8, 2013

My Hospital Confession

Hello, Darling

I have a confession: I didn’t feel that “instant love” that moms talk about when they first see their child. Please understand, I love my child. I loved her before I saw her, before I held her. But I just didn’t feel that instant bond I expected after delivery. I tried to act the part in front of family and friends, but when complications kept me in the hospital for a week, I couldn’t keep it up. I was sick and in pain, so when my husband asked me if I wanted to hold Reagan, I admitted that I didn’t. And then I cried.

After two losses and a rough pregnancy, my precious baby had arrived safely. This was the child I had prayed for, cried for. She was here and she was beautiful. What’s wrong with me?

Since coming home from the hospital, things have improved and I love holding her (except when she is super fussy, then she’s all Daddy’s!) and cuddling her. I cried the first day I went back to work, and I couldn’t get home fast enough at the end of the day to see her. But I’m still not the mom I expected to be. I don’t read her enough storybooks, I forget to pray for her spouse every night (at this point, I forget to pray at all more nights than I care to admit), and when I hear her start to fuss in the night I whisper, “please go back to sleep!” and wait a minute or two before crawling out of bed. My list of ways I believe I’m not measuring up is long.

But today, my challenge (for you and me) is to find three things that we do well as mothers.

I’ll start. I am patient with Reagan; even when inside I’m ready to run away and join the circus (how different can it really be from my house!?!), outwardly I am calm with her. I also talk and sing to Reagan … a lot. I read somewhere that it will help her learn and grow and, I’ll be honest, I love to talk so it fits with my strengths! And for a third thing I do well, I know (or at least am learning!) my limits. I share Reagan’s care with Daddy because I know that I’m a better mom when I let someone else help me.

Now it’s your turn … What three things do YOU do well as a mom?

Related topics: Rachel, Parenting, New Baby

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Thank you for sharing! I had a similar experience with my first two children. 1. I am able to "get into my children's heads" to understand how they are thinking. 2. I hug my kids and let them know that they are loved after being disciplined. 3. Like you, I know my limits and my kids' limits, and I stay within those boundaries.

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Loved this Rachel; it is so true being a mom is often different then this preconceived idea we have in our head! 1. Family meals are a priority and often they are homemade and healthy. 2. I talk with my kids A LOT. (They are older now 17,16,14 & 12) 3. My youngest gave me #3 "you always make me feel better when I'm sad."

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