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Week 3: The Artist’s Daughter Book Club

honestly

July 23, 2013

This week we’re talking through Sections 5 through 7 of the book. This is where motherhood entered my story. With motherhood came the world of mommy comparisons. You know those moments, some short and some that last weeks at a time, when we ask why? Why can’t my house, my thighs, my children, my LIFE be more like hers? (Fill in with any person, real or celebrity, that causes you to compare.)

Motherhood and comparisons don’t have to go together, but they often do. Why? I think it’s because we want to know if we’re doing motherhood RIGHT. And since there’s no mothering handbook, we look at what others are doing and wonder should I be doing it like she is? Sometimes we get good ideas from other moms when we do this. Sometimes we gain simple appreciation for others’ different approaches. And sometimes we start thinking, I WANT what she has. Why can’t I have what she has? We move from learning to envy and that’s just not healthy or fun.

I wish I could say I’m done comparing myself to other moms. I do think I’ve improved, and I’m just plain busier so I don’t have as much time to fixate on things. But here’s how comparisons are continuing to appear in my life this summer and how I’m fighting the trap.

                  

What do you do when you find yourself falling into the comparison trap?

Share your thoughts

It is hard when you are trying to be confident about your parenting decisions but then see another mothers child who Is a better reader, or can sing their ABC's at an earlier age and on and on... I just try to remember that I am the best mother for my children and as long as they are loved, then that is really all that matters. Sometimes it can be a good thing too though, I have gotten ideas from other moms on things I can do with my children too.

Reply

The thoughts of I am not trying hard enough, attentive enough, caring enough, but deep down I know that when I do spend time with my child, I am doing the best I can. I know I could never love her more. She thinks I am wonderful, so I must be doing okay.

Reply

Someone will always be smarter/cuter/richer/cooler/more patient as a parent than me. I try not to let SOMEONE ELSE'S attributes be a stumbling block for my confidence. In my experience the cutest/smartest/richest/coolest woman in the room has her own set of hang-ups and the same need for validation that I sometimes feel.

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When i catch myself doing I sit back and think why am i doing this, and tell myself we are all literally doing the best we can...move on!!!!

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