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The Day We Renovated the Nursery and Book Giveaway

by Emily

honestly

April 15, 2014

The Day We Renovated the Nursery and Book Giveaway

I've only ever seen him tear up once.

We were dating then, and it's been 10 and a half years of marriage now. Even when I miscarried, twice,  he was too busy holding me to think about crying, too busy telling me it was going to be okay while I pushed him away and said, "Be careful, you might hurt the baby," because mothers never let go of their children, not really.

But today when we renovated the nursery, I saw it. He was standing in the doorway when I asked him if we could move the change table and the crib because we've been trying for a year now, honey, and we have two foster boys who could use this room, and that's when he looked away.

The sorrow just grabbing at his skin and yanking, and I touched his arm. "I'm sorry, babes," I said.

We're still trying for the "missing child"--the one we feel belongs to this family. We're trying in a half-hearted kind of way, and we're praying, even as we take adoption classes and learn about all of the children who need families.

And I think of Clara from A Promise in Pieces--a midwife who serves as a nurse in World War II. She returns home to find fatherless babies and exhausted mothers and one of those mothers, she dies giving birth and leaves Clara with her son.

Clara, who is so scared of losing someone that she's already decided not to marry, and Oliver, a veteran soldier with a limp and a voice like a songbird, who brings her a cradle he's carved to lay her child in, and together they form a family.

Because there's no family that isn't broken. All of us, we've been cut jagged but we're like puzzle pieces, fitting into the other and together, making a beautiful picture.

So we renovated the nursery today because our foster boys need somewhere to sleep and I watched Trent carry that change table out to the shed. I watched as he pulled open the door, and there, sit our other baby things--the swing, the playpen, the white bassinette we used for both our boys--all of it just waiting, like empty arms.

"I hear God saying he's bringing her to us," I tell Trent in the dark as we find each other's hands. "I don't know what that means, whether that's adoption or not, but he says not to worry."

He squeezes my fingers and after he falls asleep, I go and stand in the dark, looking at the nursery which looks so grown-up now with its beds and its chest of drawers, and I cry. Remembering how I would sit nursing my now two-year-old Kasher with his hand orchestrating the sky as he drank from me, and the quiet of the moon as it fell through the window onto his long eyelashes.

I can hear her--the same way I can hear both my miscarried babies--calling, and for all of my trying I can't get to her.

I close the door.

Tiptoe into my boys' rooms and kiss their cheeks, flushed for sleep, and the house is full again.

Find my way back to bed, around the curve of my husband's shoulder, and breathe deep.

On this, the day we renovated the nursery.


 

I'm excited to be giving away my debut novel yesterday, A Promise in Pieces. It's historical romance, and is part of the Quilts of Love series. Just leave a comment below and we'll choose TWO winners within the week.

If you want to order it, you can do so HERE, and you can also download the first three chapters of the book HERE for FREE.


 

Emily T. Wierenga is an award-winning journalist, commissioned artist and columnist, as well as the author of four books including A Promise in Pieces, releasing April 15 with Abingdon Press, and Atlas Girl: Finding Home in the Last Place I Thought to Look (Baker Books), releasing July 1. She lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and two sons. For more info, please visit www.emilywierenga.com. Find her on Twitter or Facebook.

 

 

Share your thoughts

Thank you for sharing your story. I also miscarried twice. You never forget that pain. I was able to have two successful pregnancies and I now have two very healthy boys. It can happen. I wish the best for you.

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Thank you for sharing. It is nice to not be "alone".

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Thank you for sharing your story.

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Thank you so much for reading Cassandra! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Beautiful and sad, as life often is. Thank you for sharing something so personal.

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Thank you Cathy. I appreciate your encouragement friend. e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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beautifully written! Thank you for sharing your heart song!

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Thank you Casie! I love how you put it -- a "heart song" :) e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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The book sounds great and I'd like to read it!

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Thank you Lotti. Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Thank you for this.

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Thank you Kathryn! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Thank you for sharing your story with us! Like you said, broken yet beautiful......and God puts the pieces together for His glory. Your book sounds great, and I hope the debut goes well for you!

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I so appreciate your encouraging words Valerie! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Great article!

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Thank you Cyndi! Bless you, e.

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Beautifully written on a topic many moms do not like to talk about! Thank you for sharing. I also feel your missing piece. I have a child in heaven as well, probably playing with your 2 children there!

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I ache for you Jackie. But I love the idea of our kids playing together :) Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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It's been three years of desperately trying - and four babies in heaven - and I cannot renovate the nursery. No! No! No! You have touched a cord so deep in my soul. Thank you for your candor on the subject, and thank you for the wonderful work you are doing as foster parents. May God abundantly fill the gaping holes in your hearts.

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oh Karen. This moved me greatly. I will be praying for you and I'd like to send you a copy of the novel; can you email me your mailing address? Send to: wierenga.emily@gmail.com. Bless you, e.

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Very powerfully and beautifully written. Thank you. We all have our nurseries that need renovating. It's in those moments we have to take the next step and cling to hope and faith that everything will work out...somehow.

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Thank you so much Deann for your encouraging and thoughtful response. Bless you friend, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Beautifully written! Thank you for allowing us to share that moment. I would love to read your novel. Congrats and best of luck on the debut!

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Thank you so much Julie! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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I Want to read your book!

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Thank you Allison, that means a lot! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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The plot of your book sounds intriguing!

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Thank you Joylynn! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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How bittersweet- simultaneously heart breaking and beautiful, Emily. Thank you for being so open and honest in your writing!

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Thank you for this thoughtful and encouraging comment, dear Julia. Bless you friend, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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This was such a great post. I'd love to read more of your writing! Hope I win!

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Thank you Jacqueline! That means a lot! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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You are a wonderful writer! thank you for sharing! Hope I win

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Thank you dear Nancy. Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Sounds like a wonderful, captivating book.

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Thank you Heidi! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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God's blessings to you and your family. He will supply what you need.

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Thank you so much Kristi. Amen. Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Sounds like a lovely read!

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Thank you Courtney! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Looks like a great book!

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Thank you Kara! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Sounds like really great reading.

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Thank you Linda. Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Our book club would love to read this book!

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Hi Lisa, We'd love to send you a copy of the book for your book club. Can you email me your mailing address? (wierenga.emily@gmail.com) Bless you, e.

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I love historical fiction! Sounds good.

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Thank you Diana! Bless you, e.

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I would love to read this book.

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Thank you Gwen! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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I would love to read this book. Thank you for offering the giveaway!

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Having lost a son, I could feel the ache in your heart as I read this passage. I pray that God has placed his healing hand over your broken heart.

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Oh Melissa, thank you--what a beautiful prayer. Bless you friend, as you miss your son too... perhaps our babies are playing together in heaven? e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Having lost a son, I could feel the ache in your heart as I read this passage. I pray that God has placed his healing hand over your broken heart.

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Thank you for your transparency in this area of your life. I'm really excited to read your book! I downloaded the first three chapters and flew through them. I'll have to buy it if I don't end up being a winner of it. Congrats on the book!

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That means so much Beth, thank you for the encouragement! Bless you friend, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Sounds like a touching book. We've walked the road of infertility and miscarriage, then were blessed with our now 5 year old son. Now we're on an adoption journey to find the child(ren) that seems to be missing...

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Ah yes, the missing child... I know this journey dear Krista, and pray God's richest blessings on you friend. e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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my heart breaks for everyone that has lost a child. Thank you for your transparency!

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What a beautiful heart you have Leah! Thank you. Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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This brought me to tears. I'm so sorry - I don't know the pain of miscarriage, but I do know what it's like to feel like there is still a precious little soul out there who needs to be in your arms before you feel like your family is complete. <3

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Thank you so much Jennifer, that means a lot to me. Bless you friend. e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Thank you for sharing your story. You are a brave woman. Miscarriage and infertility are heart wrenching journeys. I will pray for God's blessing over you and your family. The book sounds lovely. I'm a labor and delivery nurse, so it especially peaks my interest!

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oh Lindsay, bless you and the work you do! It's so important. e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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Sounds like a wonderful book-thank you for sharing!

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Thank you Marla! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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I'd like to win this book

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Thank you Lana! Bless you, e. (www.emilywierenga.com)

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