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Polar Opposites Attract

by Jaime Susanne Townzen

honestly

August 4, 2014

Polar Opposites Attract

Fifteen years ago, I met my husband. A tall, athletic, quiet person, who preferred to be left alone to work on his math and economics, so he could blare punk rock as loud as his heart desired. I was a writing major, with a minor in languages to boot, and a sorority girl who loved country music and driving fast. Where his dorm room was messy, mine was organized. He rarely ventured farther than he could walk from school, and I was headed for a semester abroad. His parents were the epitome of the Cleavers. Mine were more like Ozzy and Sharon Osborn divorced and remarried with Peggy and Al Bundy.

From our first conversation I was fascinated by him and knew I had found what was missing in my life. I fell madly in love. He was who I had always been looking for. I showed him all there was in Southern California he’d been missing out on, and he confirmed that finding my faith didn’t have to mean abandoning who I was or where I came from. We bonded over Johnny Cash, episodes of The Family Guy and tattoos. We have been hopelessly devoted to one another ever since.

On my good days I call him my better half. The person who completes me. He keeps me grounded, but we can still be wild and crazy together. I know what clothes to wear to make his jaw drop, and he knows exactly what to order for me if I am in the ladies room.

On my bad days … he drives me absolutely insane.

See, falling madly in love with our polar opposite creates the magnetic attraction that pulls two people together. It’s electric, and we can’t get enough of it. At first.

For better.

Or for worse.

Because, also like magnets, when one of us gets turned around--due to stress, chaos, illness, etc.--we also can repel one another.

And our kids turn us around all the time.

Those same cute little differences that attracted us in the beginning, grew to be mild annoyances in early marriage, and can be huge, insurmountable precipices in parenting our young daughters.

I teach the girls to do chores, put their things away, eat healthy, and I  tolerate their fighting as long as blood isn’t shed. Let’s just say, his perspective is VERY DIFFERENT than mine.

And our bedroom is not immune to our magnetic relationship. When we attract, we are all over one another. But, the disagreements from parenting seem to be carried in with the laundry on folding day.  So, when we repel, there’s no amount of effort likely to help our bodies meet.

Here’s the thing I’ve learned that I honestly believe has saved my marriage on more than one occasion: God designed our bodies to bond in a mutually enjoyable sexual experience with our spouse! It relieves stress, re-strengthens the physical and emotional bond, is actually cardiovascular exercise, and improves self-esteem.

So, when I can humble myself enough to let go of the fact that my husband fed them gummy snacks and Cheetos (YUCK) and let them destroy my living room (REALLY?!?) in the time it took me to go grocery shopping (not exactly a trip to the spa) … and I still manage to put on that nightgown he likes, and kiss him in that spot that always results in the TV turning off and him turning on … and prioritize him over everything else … we always manage to turn our poles back into attraction mode and begin working together again.

Getting turned around is inevitable in this stage of life.

And getting turned on is necessary for getting through this stage.

And for our kids to see us working though our differences and working together toward common ground, plus attracted to and prioritizing one another, are invaluable lessons equipping them for life.


 

Jaime Susanne Townzen resides in Monrovia, CA with her husband and daughters. She has been a MOPS mom since 2007.


 

How do you get “turned” around in your marriage?

Share your thoughts

Ah so good! Thank you for writing this honest and poignant post. I laughed. I cried. And...I can relate. On the polar opposites and new love. On the turning around. (On the laundry.) And on the turning on. It is just so hard to get there sometimes at this stage of our life. Thank you for the gentle and poignant reminder about loving each other.

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THANK YOU for your feedback, and for helping me know I'm not the only woman who feels this way.

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I loved the honesty here, too! My favorite line? "And our kids turn us around all the time, too." Sometimes I feel like being in this parenting thing together gives us a tighter bond, sometimes it puts us at odds.

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Thank you so much for supporting my honesty. Truth be told, I didn't share this article with Sharon and Ozzy. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't appreciate my honesty as you do.

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We recently moved 429 or so miles from our home of eleven years to be closer to family and embrace new adventure, and when my husband tried to turn the cooking spoon drawer next to the stove into a junk drawer, it was ON. Now he is out of town for a couple of days picking up the rest of our stuff at the old house, and I really miss him. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Or less annoyed, anyway...

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But I'm still not giving up my limited kitchen real estate *right next to the stove* for a junk drawer!

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Good luck. Moving was tough on us too! In fact, my two close girlfriends came the night we moved in to drink wine and help select which drawers and cabinets should serve which purposes. My husband is not allowed to change my system (unless he becomes the sole chef, dish washer, and redistributor, which is highly unlikely this century). I would never allow a junk drawer next to a stove either!

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A dear friend of mine visited for our 20 year friendship anniversary a couple of years ago (we met the first day of 7th grade in Mr. Evanson's Life Science class - and I still remember what she was wearing!), and while she was at my house she reorganized my kitchen cupboards. It was LIFE CHANGING!! Now she is a new mom and I sure wish she could come to the new house and do it all over again - especially with way fewer cupboards and just as much stuff as before!

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