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I See You

by Asha Grinnell

honestly

August 30, 2014

I See You

Most marriage advice typically follows two trendy patterns: a list so exhaustive it makes you want to cry, or a takeaway so neatly packaged you'd trust it as much as you'd trust a grimy gold-toothed salesman. I'm no veteran to marital bliss, but my husband and I have weathered some serious storms together. For us, I'd say the biggest game changer has been an unwavering commitment to see each other

It's funny, we typically all start our relationships saying, “I'm seeing someone!” Sadly, between all-consuming jobs, teething babies, sleepless nights and endless to-do-lists, we tend to stop looking. We start shutting down and inevitably at some point we are afraid to be seen.

Sometimes my daughter will ping-pong in front of me performing some fancy 'new' trick I've likely seen 80+ times in the past half hour, but my heart shifts when she belts, “Mooooommmmy, watch THIS! See what I can do! Looooook at ME!

Our souls scream with the same desperate need from our spouse more often than we let on. We can go through days on an empty tank as we pour all our energies into details and distractions. It's easy to forget the things you adore about each other, when withdrawing feels safer. Surely we can function without being 'seen', but what a lonely season. If you're not careful it can turn into a lifestyle. Marriages shake when we quit seeing each other, walls go up and hearts close off. 

Remember if just for a moment - behind those tired eyes is the man who stole your heart, and underneath that worn-thin momma is a bride—still captivating! Choosing to be seen takes vulnerability. You're exposed more in your marriage than any other relationship. You're locked in at your best and your worst, but when you choose to graciously bear witness to your spouse through it all, you infuse your relationship with honor. 

When you let your spouse be real with you, it blankets them with validation! Being seen isn't so much about fixing problems or even arriving at the same perspective. It's about holding enough respect for one another you can communicate in an arena of safety and love. 

So, be brave and start praying some dream-soaked prayers. Shed your fears, and refuse to just let each day roll into the next, while your heart aches to be seen. I dare you - risk it all and commit to truly seeing one another! Fight for your marriage everyday by living and breathing a story that reads, “I won't let you go unnoticed, you are worth it, and I'm all in—I see you.”


 

Asha is a lover of adventure, family dance parties and spending time by the sea. She is married to the man of her dreams and a momma to one darling daughter who keeps her on her knees and on her toes. You can find her blogging about the intersect between faith and motherhood.

Where in your marriage are you aching to be seen?

 

 

 

Share your thoughts

I was aching to be seen in every part of my marriage. I wanted to be told I was beautiful. I wanted to be desired. I wanted him to ask how my day was. I wanted him to ask how I was feeling. I wanted him to ask me what my goals and desires and dreams were. It hurts not to be seen. Especially in marriage -- where we are supposed to be vulnerable and loved for who we are. Where we're supposed to be Real.

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Good morning, Elizabeth. I pray for you all of these things that you need to thrive - to be seen, known and loved.

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Love this! Thanks for sharing! :)

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Thanks for reading, Nicole!

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Thank you for this great article and insight. It has me realizing that I'm at a place where it's almost like I don't really want to be seen in my marriage. Maybe it's because I'm with my kids 24/7 and feel stripped of anything that is just "me." I don't know for sure. For some reason I'm closing myself off. But after reading this article it has me recognizing the blessing of a husband who wants to "see me." And he wants to be seen, too. I need to make the effort to share and allow myself to be seen. And show him how much I desire to see him. Thanks again for this insight through your article!

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Thank you for reading, it's so hard sometimes isn't it? I encourage you to risk being seen and maybe find one little way to reclaim that part of yourself that makes you feel more 'you.' Usually I'm lucky if I make it out my yoga pants and t shirt, but if I mist down in my favorite perfume, or wear some sparkly earrings, it's one thing for me! It's also a bonus if it's something that sparks romance, right? :) Cheers to being seen, you got this, Kelly!

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Thank you for having the courage to look deeper, Kelly. And for sharing your insights with the rest of us.

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We've turned everything upside down and moved nearly 500 miles to a town we've never lived in and I have been aching to be seen AT ALL in the midst of all the details and care taking I am managing on the home front, school front, paying the bills front... My husband has a new improved schedule as of last week, and he has made a conscious effort to be appreciative and to give me the gift of time on my own so I have a real break. Yesterday he took the kids out for a day of fishing and I watched a movie, took a nap, read and cleaned the house all by myself for hours - it felt like a tiny miracle!

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Liz, It sounds like you got some much needed Mommy rest, kudos to your husband for seeing that you were exhausted! I admire you for taking on so much at home, that is brave important work. I Pray you feel more at home in your new town soon!

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Thank you for your well wishes and prayers, Asha. I'm working on living in the now instead of waiting for things to get settled (we'll be moving to a tiny town an hour away over Christmas break, most likely). It's a work in progress. :)

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I wish my husband told me i was beautiful more often, so i could stop wondering so often. I know he adores me, but hes not good at putting it into words, But words make all the difference.

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Ask him why he adores you so much and to put it in a small "love letter". Maybe leaving you a note will be easier for him than to putting it into words "outloud". Then you will have a treasure to carry in your purse everyday...

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BethAnn, I think it is hard as women, because we sometimes need validation for what we already know in our hearts to be true. You are a beautiful daughter of the King, chosen, loved, and adored. If your hubby struggles with words, I'd start with questions. ( Honey, do you like this dress or that shirt better, It's exciting for me to catch your eye!) Blessings on your marriage! - Asha

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I've been married over 30 years so my MOP days are over. However, these WISE WORDS are very applicable for all marriages. THANK YOU for sharing!!!!

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30 years!! You must have a lot of candles on your birthday cake! Ha ha! Love you to the moon! xo

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